Negotiating for Life

Why is it that circumstances or events or others seems to get the better of us?

Why can't we handle it or figure it out?

I hope that the following sharing can give some insights into our ability to, may be, better control our life.

A few weeks ago, I enrolled in a training/retreat. Prior to the training, we were given a book to read, "Mastery: The key to longterm fulfillment and success" by George Leonard, and in that book this concept of negotiation came up.

Often times we get excited about something and we start taking the necessary actions to achieve results, but as we reach home or when we are with ourselves, we some how lose the momentum and energy to carry through. Familiar isn't it?

When this happens, only the strong will have the persistence to pursue and progress. What is it that these people have that most don't, want to know?

We are all governed my a natural law called inertia. The definition of inertia is the tendency of a body to resist acceleration; the tendency of a body at rest to remain at rest. In other words, if we do not make effort to change, we won't.

Another law that governs us is homeostasis. Homeostasis is the property of both any system, especially living beings, to regulate its internal environment to maintain a stable, constant condition. So, when we feel cold, our body hair sticks up, or when we are hot, we sweat, the body is regulating itself.

The interesting thing about this is that it happens in our lives, when we seek to do something we have not done before, like reading, going to training, makeing phone calls, because it is something we don't do, that we need to take conscious effor to do, our environment whether internal or external acts on us, regulates us to stop doing it. Both inertia and homestasis is working and it goes OVER TIME! We immediately feel the pressure and STOP doing it.

Examples:

"I want to read a book, but I'm tired..."
"I want to go to training, but it's raining..."
"I want to do my business, but my family and children are nagging me..."

It is true that when this happens, those with stronger will power and courage will continue, which explains their success in life. They WANT IT BADLY and they will do whatever necessary to achieve it. And I absolutely believe that with a GREAT BIG DREAM and GOAL you will have BIGGER will power and courage. Simply put...

What would you do if you were not afraid?

So, what happens if my dream is BIG, but I still can't continue or I allow the circumstance to dictate my life?

In the book, the author George Leonard, says that to handle homeostasis or change, there are 4 steps.

1) Awareness that homeostasis is happening. This is key, for many, we avoid, fight, ignore, pretend and forget it is there. It is convienient to deal with it. So we end up taking actions such as:

"I want to read a book, but I'm tired... Aiyah! forget it lah, I'm not good at reading anyway!"
"I want to go to training, but it's raining...Shucks! I'll be all wet, I hate it when its wet!"
"I want o do my business, but my family and children are nagging me... FINE! Nag all you want, I'm going anyway!"

Does that sound familiar? When this happens, no body wins. In fact, we ultimately lose. You will not learn anything, by giving up reading, and if you focus on your business, your family will be damaged. So, 1st we must be aware that this 'tug-of-war' with ourselves and environment is actually occuring. On then can you do the next important step.


2) Negotiate. Negotiation, I feel is the most powerful leverage you can give yourself. Have you seen the movie Negotiator? When a negotiator negotiates with the hijacker, is it true that the hijacker can get all that he want's? Or is it true that the negotiator is in control? Well, to me, both the negotiator and hijacker (Environment and circumstance) are on even keel. They are equally powerful. The opposite to negotiating is compromising. When we compromise, somebody loses, ultimately, nobody wins! So, the power negotiating puts YOU in control to manage the situation. Your tiredness, the rain or the family and children are not BIGGER than you, you are EQUAL.



Now, this will bring a huge amount of relief for many people right away. Some will feel an instant realization of conifidence and personal power. Why? Well, because, for the 1st time, you will realise that you are not bound to your environment, you are free to make YOUR CHOICE! You are FREE TO DECIDE and negotiate the life you want. You are now FREE!

Enjoy this feeling of being in control.

How you you negotiate with tiredness, rain, family or children? For the environment, things that are outside your control, negotiate with yourself, create a solution that both will be happy with. Instead of reading one chapter, just read 2 pages! If you can't stop the rain, negotiate with yourself to see the value of that training and it's importance (What would you do if you were not afraid to get wet?). Negotiate with the family to make arrangements that will benefit everyone, schedule and plan ahead ("Things that are important mus never be at the mercy of things that are urgent." - Van Goethe). We can negotiate, it's our right to negotiate.




3) You will need help and that is why you will need a support group that helps you. Know that we are human beings who live with each other and are influenced by each others actions and beliefs. If you are a rock standing alone, it will be impossible for you to get support to move, unless you are among a group of rocks who are rubbing sholders with you and are also moving forward as well. You will have the motivation to move yourself.




4) Even with a support group, nothing happens without constant practice. So, we must constantly be aware about ourselvs and if homeostasis is happening and negotiate ourselves to success and persist with whatever we want to do. Practice practice and practice!

So, with these 4 steps, you will be able to handle change. And when you are excited about something and you know you really want it, all you need to do, is to NEGOTIATE FOR LIFE!

Always,

Wiling

Attract it!